MKJ (00:00.632)
Hey, hey, mischief makers. Welcome back to the conversation. MKJ here and my incredible guest, Chris Doris. Okay, so Chris, if people listening, if you haven’t listened to the first two episodes, you need to go do so because the stage has been set. For now, me asking Chris a real simple question, sir, how, what are some of the tools? What are some of the ways that we can start taking off?

those glasses, removing some of the conditioning and living life more through joy.

MKJ (00:54.724)
So how can we take off some of those glasses and change the mental conditioning that we had and start living life more through joy?

Chris Dorris (01:06.164)
Yeah.

Chris Dorris (01:09.567)
And not just driven more powerfully, you joy is a part of it, but you know, it’s like the better we mentioned it already, the better we feel, the better we are, but only always and only in everything. But it’s not just about happy. You know, it’s also about competence, expertise. I ask a lot of workshops, I ask people, I ask individuals in coaching sessions this question all the time as well, which is,

At what point does someone become an expert? And a lot of times people answer that by saying, I think like the Malcolm Gladwell sort of response, where it’s like 10 ,000 repetitions of something. It’s like after you’ve achieved a certain level of success, but that’s not the right answer.

Because we all know people who achieved plenty of success, even at the academic level, like students who are great students. I mean, they get straight A’s, and yet they freak out every time they go into a test. I’m gonna get killed. Like, no you’re not. No, you’re not, shut up. You always get it. So they have an incredible track record of evidence, of proof of excellence, but yet they’re still choosing fear.

So someone becomes an expert when they choose to be.

You know, when they choose that. So yeah, it helps to have a lot of great performances and track record and evidence, right? But that’s not it. It’s like it’s, Muhammad Ali was great example of somebody that, you know, when did he become the best? When did Muhammad Ali become the greatest? When his name was Cassius Clay and nobody knew who he was. He chose that. So we talked about eliminating complaining.

Chris Dorris (03:04.554)
All right, so that is, I’ll reiterate that, that is actually a tool. And convert those complaints into authentic, genuine expressions of gratitude. But here’s another tool, which is not entirely dissimilar from that. I call it catch, own, and replace. And what we’re doing is we’re catching. So this is the inner world inquiry. Let me preface this by saying that I really do believe that the most successful

happiest, mentally tough, and those three are all interconnected. People in the world choose to live in a perpetual state of self -inquiry, always asking themselves questions like, how am I feeling right now? Is it useful? Am I even choosing this? So the tool is to elevate your state, is catch, own, replace. So you catch yourself when you’re feeling unpleasant and you don’t want to be.

If you want to be, then that’s your priority, and that’s beautiful, you get to choose that too. I just don’t find it’s not a it’s not a useful choice often. But we have choice. So if I want to be pissed, I can. But is it going to serve me right now? Probably not. I mean, unless I’m in a boxing ring, or if I’m a lineman, an NFL football field, then it will.

MKJ (04:09.86)
Right, Yeah.

MKJ (04:19.443)
Yeah.

MKJ (04:24.54)
Right? Right. That’s right.

Chris Dorris (04:27.372)
But in most cases it doesn’t. But again, it’s your choice. So you catch yourself and you’re feeling uncool and you don’t want to or you can’t afford to in that moment. And then you own it. Now this is the second step of ownership is a big deal. So the ownership phrase is, I am not feeling this way because of what’s going on. I’m feeling this way because of how I’m thinking about it right now.

MKJ (04:52.004)
That’s right.

Chris Dorris (04:52.664)
Marcus Aurelius, one of the greatest, if not the greatest, Roman Emperor, he was a mental coach for sure, he said, if you are troubled by something, it’s not the thing itself, but your own estimate of it, which you have the right to revoke at any moment. Ownership is the opposite of being a victim of circumstance, letting the outer world govern your inner state, like the traffic, then you getting pissed off and you’re blaming it on some set of circumstances, which is a bunch of people in cars going somewhere slowly, congested.

MKJ (05:18.271)
Yeah.

Chris Dorris (05:22.26)
Alright, so catch and then own. So, let’s stick with the analogy, alright, the same example. I’m in my car, I’m in traffic, I’m trying to go somewhere and I might be late and I’m getting pissed off. The practice is to catch myself as fast as I can when I go into anger or frustration. To catch myself, wow, I’m really pissed off right now. That’s right there, that’s your key to freedom, is awareness. And I say, wow, I’m really pissed. I’m gonna get really pissed about this.

And then the next step is to own it. So I caught it, now I’m gonna own it say, you know what, I’m not pissed because of traffic, I’m not pissed because I might be late, or I might miss this meeting. I’m not pissed because of any of that. I’m pissed because I’m thinking poorly about this situation right now. That’s ownership. And so catch own it and the last step is to replace. And then you replace your thought with whatever, you replace that thought with whatever you damn please, but I have some suggestions.

That’s why I wrote a book on mantras, the book of mental toughness mantras. And there are all these replacement thoughts. Like, you said it, but you didn’t say it like this, but you said it twice today. You said a version of this. This is my mantra for this. Ain’t bad just is.

I call that the great neutralizer mantra. Ain’t bad, just is. Shakespeare, that’s my Jersey boy version of Shakespeare’s in Hamlet. Act two, scene two, he has Hamlet actually say, so Hamlet’s in jail, imprisoned by the King of Denmark, I think, and he’s really reflecting heavily upon his situation, and then he discovered nothing, and this is the line from Hamlet.

MKJ (06:46.381)
you

MKJ (06:49.688)
you

Chris Dorris (07:05.992)
Nothing good or bad happens, but thinking makes it so.

That’s Hamlet. Nothing good or bad happens, but thinking makes it so. So traffic isn’t bad, it just is. And I can have it just be is, just is a bunch of people in cars near each other going slowly because of congestion. It could be isn’t, it’s like that. Like this is a domino. It just is. I’m not happy about it, I’m not pissed about it, it just is. But I also have the choice to upgrade that interpretation if I want. Right, at the isn’t -ness line.

MKJ (07:15.191)
Yeah.

MKJ (07:30.278)
Yes. Yes. There’s no judgment.

Chris Dorris (07:41.98)
Or the OBSERVATION line, is the OBSERVATION line. No emotional charge down, no emotional charge up, just is. And I can have life be that way. OR I can have it suck OR I can have it be filled with gratitude or enthusiasm. All my choice, I never don’t have that choice. And without practice, I will not exercise that choice.

MKJ (07:45.336)
Yes. Yes.

Chris Dorris (08:08.094)
So that’s the long answer. To summarize it, your question, what’s a practice, another way that we can strengthen the way that we get more mentally tough or developmental mastery or upgrade the way that we experience life is to practice catching yourself when you’re unnecessarily feeling poorly and own it. And then upgrade your thinking in the moment and it doesn’t take long. In fact, do you want to do an exercise?

MKJ (08:37.826)
Yeah, go.

Chris Dorris (08:39.326)
Okay, do we have time?

MKJ (08:42.178)
Yeah, we got like two minutes. Is that enough?

Chris Dorris (08:44.434)
Okay, create, so everyone listening to this, do what you gotta do, whatever you need to do inside yourself to create the state of anxiety right now, go.

Why don’t you do it, Marion, let me know when you’re done.

MKJ (08:57.038)
Yeah, yeah, I’m there.

Chris Dorris (08:59.084)
Okay, good. How did you do that? You did that rapidly. Here you go. I thought about okay, I thought about

MKJ (09:00.406)
I thought about money. I thought about money.

Chris Dorris (09:07.668)
That was the beginning of the answer, right? And then you fill in the blank, you said, happened to be money. Okay, so you thought about money in a not enthusiastic way. You thought about money in a scarcity way. You thought about the lack of it. You thought about fear. You created anxiety, okay, by thinking though. But your answer was, I thought about. So now, do whatever you gotta do inside yourselves to create the state of total serenity. Let me know when you’re done.

MKJ (09:16.408)
Yes.

MKJ (09:34.948)
Okay, I got it. Yes.

Chris Dorris (09:35.936)
So you were able to do that as well? How’d you do it?

MKJ (09:40.872)
I remembered walking on the beach this morning and the waves crashing on the sand and running with my mantra.

Chris Dorris (09:47.316)
Okay, so there you go. So the answer’s the same, the end of it is different, it’s unique, right? But the beginning is I thought about or I chose to remember, in other words, I chose to fill my mind with the thought of blank. So that’s the answer. So you just in a matter of moments traveled the entire expanse of the human emotional spectrum from low grade anxiety to high grade serenity and the only thing in the world to change is the quality of content in your thinking. That’s how fast it can be.

MKJ (10:17.252)
So there you go. That’s exactly it. And it’s each, the way you do that at a deeper level, you might start at a higher, start at a very superficial level of, let’s say traffic and I’m anxious or angry or frustrated, and how can I just not be frustrated and get to that O line, that observation, it just is. And now once you master that, now you can choose to change that.

in a positive way and the more and I agree with you 100%. I’ve read your stuff. I’ve followed you. I agree with you 100%. The more people go above that O line and change the energy to positive, the more our world will change to the positive. Is there any last thought you want to leave people with that?

Chris Dorris (10:56.35)
Hmm.

Chris Dorris (11:02.738)
Yeah, agreed. Amen.